SHOCKING DAMAGE: Lead photograph by Nick Bull
Visionary land artists Team Clandestine have been left FUMING after their recent work at Ackling Dyke, near Sixpenny Handley in Dorset, was trashed by YOBBISH LAGER LOUTS.
The sacrilegious defacing of the BLESSED SEVEN POINTED STAR OF LORD BRUCIE occurred overnight at some point between 21 to 22 of June. After a HOLY BLESSING was performed following the desecration, Team Clandestine spokesperson Dan Davies tearfully spoke to the media, relaying how the BRUTAL SACKING OF SIXPENNY had occurred:
‘Sadly not long after a fellow drone pilot found it, [they] prompted me to attend.
‘Today beer cans and rubbish was found nearby showing evidence of drunk idiots attacking this beautiful piece of land art.
‘Sad and jealous actions spoil this for land art lovers.’
Davies, who has named fellow team member Dene as his PROUD MENTOR, had to be held down by concerned croppies and members of the clergy as he thrashed around in despair.
‘Jealous rivals I’m told,’ ranted the SUPERSTAR NEW SIGNING shortly before a vet from nearby DEANLAND administered an equine sedative to take Davies to a HAPPIER PLACE.
So who are the BITTER, JEALOUS RIVALS Davies has accused?
In an AMAZING TWIST Davies TURNED TO THE OCCULT and SENSATIONALLY CHANNELED the spirit of DECEASED ENTERTAINER Bruce Forsyth to point the finger of blame.
‘Eat a D,’ wittered BrucIe as he named a member of SATANIC CIRCLE MAKERS TEAM SHITE’UN as the likely culprit. The Croppie reached out to this individual who laughed out a rebuttal down the phone:
‘What the hell is this moron on about? I don’t drink alcohol. Anyway, does he really think I’ve nothing better to do than make a four and a half hour round trip overnight to deface a poorly constructed representation of a waste disposal unit before a long day at work? I could understand if the circle had destroyed itself due to being so humiliated by its own appearance.
‘If Dan really believes any circle maker would be jealous of what he put down at Ackling Dyke then he needs to take a step back. I’m sure Dan knows full well who ruined that crop circle. He ought to have a word with his mentor; he confessed to damaging a crop circle on Facebook just a few days ago. That genius was drunk at the time too. I’m sure he taught his protégé well.’
Davies RESPONDED ANGRILY to the suggestion he may have been involved in the destruction of his own work:
‘I was in bed,’ the CLANDESTINE STARLET hissed through his eyes’ salty droplets on his come-down. He refused to offer any additional comment.