Jack Jane Gets Her Eviction Orders
Arrogant crop circle troll and author Joanna ‘Jack Jane’ Emery has been permanently ejected from Circle Chasers after falling headlong into a trap laid by members of a secretive croppie society.
Following a recent proclamation of support for the Canadian slug by half-arsed Circle Chasers owner and ‘friend’ Mark ‘Fusty’ Fussell, Emery ramped up her attempts to upset and victimise posters. Safe in the knowledge cowardly Fussell would ban anyone revealing Emery’s real identity, the warped children’s writer had come to believe herself to be untouchable. Fortunately, behind the scenes, a mysterious organisation of crop circle enthusiasts and occultists — believed to be called The Order of the White Corn — had hatched an ingenious plan to lure Canada’s most disgusting troll to the edge of the precipice.
Using unauthorised graphics bearing the URL of The Croppie, Jack Jane’s true identity was once again revealed. As outraged members of Circle Chasers put the boot into Emery she ran crying to Fusty to hide behind his golden shield.
With posters demanding the troll be evicted and hammering on the castle gates, a source close to The Croppie reports that Fussell became the focus of a bizarre pyschic ritual performed by leading members of The Order via Microsoft Teams. Involving a corn dolly; an unwound surveyor’s tape; knife; wheat from a 2020 crop circle; purple resin heart and a photograph of Joanna Emery, an array of faeries and field pixies were summoned to influence the thoughts of Mr Fussell and curse Emery’s name.
Under the weight of such online and psychic pressure Fussell’s legs began to buckle. One witness, Matthew, described how the Crop Circle Connector chief agonised when reaching for the ban hammer: ‘When Fussell saw that he could not prevail at all, but rather that a tumult was rising, he took water and washed his hands before Circle Chasers, saying, “I am innocent of the blood of this just Person. You see to it.” And so it was done. Emery was booted out into the streets to carry her cross to the top of the nearest hill. But like the immortal she is, we expect to see Jojo return to the scene under a new identity.
The Croppie reached out to Joanna Emery for comment but has yet to receive a response. The Croppie also completely refutes the accusation it was involved in the long overdue toppling of the Dundas Hag.
The Smallest Weird Croppie
The Croppie clearly lives rent free inside the head of Robin Knight.
It’s highly likely Robin read this article on The Croppie.