Sensational news from Dundas University’s Faculty Of Crop Circle Studies.

In a world first, Professor Jack Jane has declared a little known (and little sized) crop circle from 2015 to be thoroughly genuine and beyond the realm of what is possible for humans to construct.

Resting partly across a tramline with a standing centre, the circle consists of a ring with three equally spaced satellites. It’s teeny-weeny but apparently more ‘genuine’ (I.E. supernatural) than anything else we’ve seen in recent years.

This crop circle cannot be constructed by people. It’s official!

So why is it alien made? Could it be the lay of the crop? Some mysterious feature? Do dogs vomit when they enter? Do watches stop and mobile phones crash?

Well. Possibly. It’s just cowardly JJ won’t share details. That said, The Croppie suspects it comes down to that pristine standing centre.

Could there really be no way for a human to stand in the tramline with a tape attached to a pole? Could they possibly outstretch their arm and plant the pole in the barley? From there they — or someone with them — could outline the small circle with the attached tape.

Yet Professor JJ really can’t get her head around this. It’s clearly not possible.

This debacle is the latest in a succession of weird claims to have come from the University of Dundas Faculty Of Crop Circle Studies. Beyond believing Robbert van den Broeke possesses genuine paranormal powers, William Levengood could distinguish between human and ‘genuine’ crop circles, and she knows everything that happens in England’s fields, Professor JJ has been suggesting there are people who view her as more than a joke. Sorry, Hun. You’ve no idea what you’re on about.